In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
