I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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