he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
