I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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