So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize