dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize