Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
