and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
