How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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