My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
