I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
