When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
