You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
