she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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