Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
