yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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