i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
