I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
