i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
