Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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