dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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