I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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