This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
