susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
