Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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