Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
