**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I did not marry a roomba.
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