don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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