Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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