escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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