that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
