I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
