Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize