I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??