is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows