there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.