You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.