well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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