i don't like sucking hair
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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