I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.