i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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