dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
