Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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