when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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