Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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