Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
