he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
