i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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