I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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