I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
