Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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