Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
