its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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