They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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