I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
