Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
