Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
