I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This house was built for laser tag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
