woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
