His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
