I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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