Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My penis needs a shock collar
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
