I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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