matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
