Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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