me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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