One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
