She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
