i permit you to call me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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