remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
