i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
