Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
