Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As shirtless as possible
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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