If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
