just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
